I’ve been silent for a few weeks, for a couple of reasons. Partly because I have been busy with some personal issues that require my full attention. Another part is, well, why I’m writing today. Because I know it’s time for me to jump, but I feel stuck, and I don’t know if I can jump.
I started writing several different articles over the last few weeks, but I wouldn’t get more than a few sentences and then I would get stuck. I didn’t know where to go with the rest of it, and I couldn’t figure out why. Whether with the personal choices I needed to make, or with my writing. I continued to feel this way until I saw a Steve Harvey video a friend shared with me that was about #TimeToJump.
One of the posts I had been trying to write about was about the issues the VA Healthcare system seems to be having. Another post was about a current popular movie, ‘The Shack,’ that has caused some heated debate in the Christian community. Honestly, I don’t recall the other two, as I discarded my notes both online and on paper.
Allow me to say that not only was I not jumping, I was sitting on my tush, watching television, feeling sorry for myself, angry, and frustrated. My anger and frustration might be legitimate, (one of the personal issues I’ve been dealing with), but come on–I used to be able to handle anything! I raised three children by myself, with little to no child support, went to college while I was doing it, and made the Dean’s list at least once every year. My Dad has Alzheimer’s and was living with me for a little while. I’ve gone through the loss of a very dear friend. And I’m fighting some health issues of my own. So, why couldn’t I get it together long enough to finish an article?
It’s not like the VA Healthcare system or the issues surrounding the aforementioned movie aren’t important issues. So, what’s the problem?
I then saw the video of Steve Harvey’s where Harvey speaks to his audience before his show and talks about what successful people commonly do. And what is that is that, you might ask?They jump. They don’t sit on their tushes, eating cookies, and watching TV, they jump in and do what’s important to them. They take the risk and jump in!
That was the problem. It’s not that those two issues aren’t important to me, but they aren’t what is really important to me. Next question. What is important to me? Hmm, great question—a question that I don’t know if I can answer. Helping my family and friends is important to me. My relationship with Elohim is important to me. Helping other people is important to me. Being healthy, not being a burden to my family, doing the best job I can do with whatever I’m doing, all these things are important to me.
But what is really important to me? I’m 60-plus years old and still trying to figure that out. Really? Yes, really. Maybe it’s all the things I listed above, maybe I don’t have a clue. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been able to write anything. If you look at the list above, everything seems to be about my relationship with others, but not about what lights my fire. What is it that brings me pleasure and makes me feel like I am doing something with my life? What is it that makes me feel alive and doesn’t depend on anyone else or their opinions or approvals?
So, here I am, trying to figure out what’s important to me. How many times have I written that phrase in the last few paragraphs? Too many, it seems.
The other part of that question is: why am I afraid to jump? Wow, that’s a scary thought. Why am I afraid? Am I too old? Am I too *plump*? Am I too broke? Am I too tired? Am I just plain scared? And, if yes, of what? I don’t know the answer. That’s just another thing I’ll have to figure out.
So, here I am. I am being honest about my “stuckness,” my fear, my doubt. Perhaps that is half the battle. I know something is broken, and I know I have to figure out what it is and how to fix it.
I encourage you to be honest with yourself. If you already know the answers to all these questions, that’s great and I am honestly very happy for you. But a lot of us don’t know the answers to these questions. We haven’t figured it out.
Do you know what’s important to you? Not who you are and what you can do for others, but what’s important to just you? And if you do know (lucky you!), are you doing it? If not, why not? Please don’t wait until you are 60-plus years old to answer these questions, because it is painful. I wish someone had told me to jump when I was in my 20s. I wish someone had told me all the stuff I’m figuring out now, or figuring out that I need to figure it out.
Do yourself a big favor, figure out what is really important to you and know it’s #TimeToJump!