Me: "I want to, but I'm kind of worried about it because some of the narcissists are still in my life and I don't want to stir up any trouble." (typical codependent)
Josie: "Well, I understand that, but think about it, you have more to share."
Me: "Ok, I'll think about it. But I don't know how I could do it without stepping on some toes."
As soon as we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone, I mean not even a minute later, BANG! I knew how I could do it! That's what happens when you let Elohim (God) take the wheel. The rest of this article is the "how" that Elohim shared with me via Josie's suggestion. It's not about the narcissists or who they are, it's about healing from their inflicted wounds. It's about getting over the self doubt they caused so I can finally jump and find my yes!
Over the last few months I’ve been taking a look at where my life is at. Why am I where I am and who I am? Do I like it? Why or why not? If I don’t like it, how do I fix it? It turns out, I like part of my life and part of it, well, not so much.
The parts I like are centered around my children and and grandchildren, my friends, writing and finally being over 60. I know, that last one is kind of crazy, but let me just tell you semi-retirement is GREAT!!!! There are other smaller things I like about my life also; my 4 legged pal Kaci, chia-berry smoothies for breakfast, walking to the post office…
I know there are others out there who, like me, don't like part, or maybe all of their life. Like me, you are waiting to heal, waiting to breath, waiting to figure things out. Why are we waiting? We're scared. We don't think we know how to do anything else except to wait and be scared and be sad. You're not alone and YES YOU CAN! What is it you “can”? You can say yes. What you say yes to, that's up to you. We have to figure out why we think we can't, then we learn how we can!
If I don’t like parts of my life, why not and how do I fix it? The first thing I had to do was take a long hard look at my life to figure out how I got there. Keep in mind, this wasn’t all on a conscious level, it started out more in my subconscious. I was angry, frustrated, sad, or at least not happy, and I didn’t understand why.
As I started becoming more aware of the idea that something was wrong, I started looking for answers. As I was looking for answers, mostly from within myself and spiritually, things started popping up on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, new people in my life, etc. in confirmation. The posts and videos might have been on my different feeds all along, but I was just beginning to see them.
A subject that kept coming up most was regarding narcissism and codependency. I had heard these terms before. I knew what they meant, but I never really gave them any thought… until one day. I think the title caught my eye, but for whatever reason, I listened. It was only 20 or 30 minutes long but by the time I finished listening, I was in tears! At first it was just a little misty eyed moisture, but by the end of the video, I was in full melt down mode! I watched another video by the same person, and another, and another, and another. By the time I finished watching, half of my day had passed. I was immediately happier, angrier and again happier that I had been for as long as I could remember. Answers! I had maybe, finally, found some answers! (The angry part was because of what I discovered in finding those answers.)
I am 60+ years old and finally discovered the reasons that I have been unhappy and frustrated most of my life! I had too many narcissists in my life which in turn, resulted in me being very codependent! OUCH! That was a bitter pill to swallow. When I did, I began to heal. My first article about narcissism, "Enough Is Enough" was published recently. A narcissist is focused like a laser beam on themselves. They believe that they're right and you're wrong. If you disagree or speak up for yourself for any reason, there is something wrong with YOU, not them…never them. Just ask them, they'll tell you how wrong you are. They will call you names, belittle you in a hundred different ways and at the end of the the day, it's all your fault. Some of it is obvious, but the more dangerous stuff is not. It is very covert and very painful. As codependants, we think that if we can just do everything possible to please them, they will finally like us, maybe even possibly love us? Wow, what a load of hooey!
I don't want to write about the narcissists today. They are no longer the focus in my life and it doesn’t revolve around them anymore. I don’t seek their approval, acceptance or love anymore. My life is about me, about healing and about jumping. Yes, I said jumping! If you're not sure what I mean by that I encourage you to read my last article, "It's Time To Jump", and watch this video: Steve Harvey. Jumping to success.
This paints what successful people do. They jump! They jump with a parachute and take a chance. If you don't jump, you never discover what you can do, or the gifts and talents Elohim has placed within you. If you don't jump, you can't fly! I dare you!
When I wrote about jumping, I wasn't sure if I could jump. I was afraid to jump and I didn't think I knew how to jump. Why? The self-doubt caused by codependency seemed to drive me, constantly being told I was *less than* by the narcissists in my life. I'm not *less than*, I am enough and I can jump! I'm not saying I'm not scared to jump. That would be a lie. My relationship with Elohim and the encouragement of some wonderful friends, especially Gloria, Josie, Crystal and Jonathon, self-doubt is beginning to leave me. I know I CAN jump! I know I can heal and find joy in my life. I might not know exactly where I am jumping to, and I know I might get a few bumps and bruises along the way, (what are a few scrapes compared to where I've been?) but I can and I WILL jump!
Let me just tell you very quickly about these friends I've mentioned and why I mentioned them, by name!
Gloria Q. is my sisterfriend for many years now. Gloria is a devoted wife and homeschooling mother of 3 intelligent and lively young people. She has been my biggest cheerleader, supporter, encourager, listener. She's not afraid to tell me the truth when she needs to. She (and her family) are super great at making me laugh and feel loved! I love sharing my life with her and her family. I love being able to help her solve issues or give her ideas, because "I've been down that road before". We met when we were both supervisors for the same company, and we've been sisterfriends ever since. Gloria is one of the best friends a person could ask for and she is one my very most favorite persons to hang out with! (and all of that is an understatement!)
Josie Jackson is a new friend and a good friend. In spirit, it feels as if we've known each other for a really long time! She is easy to share with, full of great ideas and has answered so many health questions for me! Josie is a holistic practitioner and co-writer at Lanterns Buzz. We bounce ideas off each other. We help each other finding information. We share some of the same dreams and goals (to help others be healthy and happy is at the top of the list). In fact, Josie was the sweet friend who sent me the Steve Harvey video when she knew I need a push to start making some changes!. Thank you Josie. We are definitely going to "Do This Thing"!
Crystal McCann is also a new friend and co-writer at Lanterns. She's given me wonderful advice and direction. One of the most important things she said to me when I first started writing for Lanterns Buzz was, "absolutely you fit in!" I had just been turned down by a major news organization because I wasn't political enough, and I was feeling more "iffy" than usual. One of my favorite things that Crystal shares with us every day is "This Day In History", there is something interesting every day! She's crazy busy with both Lanterns and her other project "Madisons Media", but she still finds time to answer my questions, encourage me, and sometimes just chat!
Then there is my dear friend Jonathon Dunne and yes, you guessed it, he is also a co-writer and broadcaster at Lanterns Buzz, but I knew him long before I joined the Lanterns Team. Ever since I've known Jonathon, a few years now, he has always encouraged me to be true to myself, which is why I'm here writing for Lanterns Buzz. When I told Jonathon about being turned down by the one group, he sent me here, to be a Lanterneer, so I could be myself! You need someone to make you laugh or make you think, he's the guy! Jonathon is also known as "Freedoms Disciple", he's from Ireland but loves our country, and knows more about the USA than most of us do! And let me just say this, THANK YOU JONATHON!
Why did I share with you all that info about my friends? They are an important part of who I am becoming. If you don't have these kind of friends in your life who encourage you, are honest with you, and value your input into their lives, you need some! Look for them, they are out there! You need them! That isn’t a suggestion, it is a necessity. Why mention them by name? I want them to know how much I appreciate them and I want you to know they are very, very real! It's important you get that.
I'm just going to start jumping. (Do you know how scary it is to share all my fears and weaknesses with you! Vulnerability is not easy at all. Yikes! That's a big jump for me already!)
I'm going to watch more videos from my favorite teachers/speakers, including;
I'm going to take chances on some new adventures and make some changes in my life that will be healthier for me on different levels, changes that will allow me to help others do the same thing, changes that I know are going to bring some peace and joy into my life. I'm going to take better care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually. Yes, that means I am focusing on ME! Be aware, the narcissists in your life will tell you this is pure selfishness. For once they are right, it is selfish, a good kind of selfishness. I can't help anyone else if I'm not happy and whole, or at least heading that direction!
Remember at the beginning I mentioned about "finding my yes"? There really was a reason for that. Josie's most recent article is about a road trip she took with her dad and what he taught her about the value of asking questions. That is what helped her find her yes! He was right Josie. That's what I've been doing, asking questions. In the process, I am finding my own yes! I am finding the people and things that make me want to say "Yes, I want you to be a part of my life!", "Yes, you bring me peace and joy!"
Yesterday I was talking to Josie on the phone, she was reading her newest article to me, something we do often, and at the end she said she "wasn't sure what the ending should be." Just as it's happened so many times, something one of us said gave the other an idea; her question gave me the ending to this article. Why does there have to be an ending? I guarantee this will not be the last article I write on this subject. I don't want to have an ending. I want to have a lot of new beginnings! So get ready, I'm just beginning my new journey into the land of "I Can And I Will.” I hope you will join me. That means that we start jumping off cliffs into new beginnings in finding our YES!